This one will bring tears to your eyes! i see music as the saving grace for our nations of the world.
just … imagine…music…teaching…cooperation

Bobby McFerrin walks into a UN meeting and leads them in this demonstration of togetherness and cooperation. no need for interpreters, armed guards, lobbyists, nuclear weapons…..

just hearts and sound. music from within.

why is this so hard to imagine?

now listen to it again from the beginning with your eyes closed and see this happen. if we all do this…

it will

Goddess

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Black is Beautiful…

Black is Beautiful…

…but why does it have to be from the Motherland, tall and thin? many times i get caught up in the whole color issue and i recognize that my own people have issues with me and how i appear to them.

…i know i am beautiful

…i know i am black

…i know i am confused why i am still single and why i can’t find a good black man

there are men of many other ethnicities who want my attention, but it seems as if i am simply a flash in the pan, curious exploration (done so slowly that i don’t stick around long enough for them to get their nerve up), or notch on a bedpost.

…that’s not what Goddess wants

i mean to offend no one but perhaps i will but i fall more into the category of Aunt Jemima rather than Iman.

…i am not so tall

…i am not so thin

…i am not so exotic

i am just me…

…i am

…black

…i am

…beautiful

…Goddess…

My future: destined to be poor, yet filthy rich in joy

Goddess is in a quandary and truly needs to find her way out FAST!!!!

The Do i really need to be filthy rich with money?
is it necessary that i find a way to be comfortable rather than a person who wipes their ass with 50’s?
i have had this sinking feeling over the past few weeks that i am going to be “not rich” for the rest of my life. it’s actually depressing to sit and think about all the great things you have to offer then realize that you may have to take a vow of poverty to achieve that success.

i want to give back to my community, to my family, to people i love.
i don’t want to do it while having to collect cans and bottles to eat.

i am running into a shortfall for income and i now have to look into going back into the corporate world. i know that i will be so horribly miserable if i go back. i won’t last long. i need to feel that the services i offer are worth enough that those willing to partake in them are willing to come out of pocket just a little bit.

i just don’t feel in my heart that people nowadays understand what is truly important.

here is a list

run a website called . it is geared toward being a one stop shop for parents in the local area to locate resources and support groups. you know things that HELP

offer finishing school for children. children are so rude and nasty today. there is a definite need to correct the behaviors of the future of our world

open a daycare. daycare really translates into “i’ll watch your kid, you pay me barely nothing and i get to take your shit and worry about whether you are going to close me down because you THINK i have the POTENTIAL for abuse or neglect because you are having trouble pulling the plank out of your own eye”

i am growing sad and even more sad as the day passes.

something has to change. my negativity is growing and quite frankly, i may just need a desk job to keep my head afloat while i continue to dream about helping people that really don’t give a shit about what they actually could benefit from.

because you know help is ALWAYS free. handouts are ALWAYS the job of someone else. and what’s yours is ALWAYS mine. didn’t they teach you that in finishing school.

Goddess

It takes a Village of Whup Ass to raise a child…

whoever decided that it takes a village to raise a child must have been out of their damned mind when they coined that phrase. granted, it is a phenomenal phrase to use when you are trying to convince a new parent to ask for help from family and friends before they toss their baby out into the swirling currents of the local river in a torrential downpour.
a can of whup ass can be defined many ways. depending on the culture you participate in, it can be a pat on a diaper with a hand when the baby repeatedly pulls the dogs ear or picks the cat up by the throat, to a parent out of their mind with fury, love, and a passionate need to correct offspring so they don’t lose their job at the other end of a section of water hose and a visit from CPS!

yes. it is a broad category of love,structure, and consequences.

is there a way to have a serious discussion with regard to how children should be raised as opposed to how the textbooks tell us they should be raised?

i believe there is a middle ground that allows for “spoil the rod, spoil the child” without warranting a call to CPS.
it is perfectly okay for parents to determine the environment in which their children will be raised. the parents create the environment, set up the rules and expectations of the CULTURE are what are exhibited by the children.
the difficulty is managing your household and family culture against what society has deemed “acceptable”.

i dare the village that used the can of whup ass principle to raise children to define “acceptable”.

here is my account of interviews that occurred within a fictional village that i visited on my way to Vacaville State Hospital.

Goddess: how do you utilize a can of whup ass?

Bettina Mae: A Can of Whup Ass is best utilized to light up a child when necessary.

Oscarlisha Jean: heh heh! you said that right girl! snatchin’ up a child ain’t no sin. when you want it quiet, you just say you gon’ open up a Can of Whup Ass and they snap right to attention.

Bettina Mae: now don’t get us wrong Missus Science Lady, we don’t beat our children and leave them in misery. we beat them with love and we make sure they know what a real beatin’ is. they don’t go to the school tellin’ folk they go a beatin’ on tuesday on GP (general principal). they tell the folks that they “got in trouble”.

Oscarlisha Jean: mmmm hmmmm. you said that right girl. our children don’t run and hide from us. we ain’t messin’ wit they minds! we correctin’ they SOULS.

Bobbie Smooth: preach on OJ! if yo child ain’t right with the Lord then you ain’t done yo job right.

Goddess: so if you were taken into court and charged with child abuse, what would be your defense?

Bettina Mae: I’d tell ’em that if they think they can do a bettah job, they can take ’em and raise them theyselfs

Bobbie Smooth: *slaps knee with hand* hoooweee! my baby momma did just that and you know what that judge said?

Oscarlisha Jean: who dat?

Bobbie Smooth: that judge shook his head and said “take yo kids home and make sure they know the right story to tell next time someone wants to go snoopin’ in bidness they ain’t got no bidness in!”

Bettina Mae: Missus Science Lady, the fish fry is about done and it is time to stir the grits, can you come on back round later and we will let you know mo later.

goddess

superhero or geek for love?

some days i just want to hide my geekiness. to just long enough to find a nice guy and not scare him off immediately. i appear to be a fairly neuro-typical chick until i open my damned mouth. there are days when i wish i could just run a mic and tape and have a translator put my speech into regulo-speak. hell yeah, i’ll wear a battery pack in my shoe…

how in the hell do people notice? i don’t but every one else does. i guess when my vocabulary shoots over their heads or when i start rambling on about what i am studying or hey how about when i start conversations about what i heard on “Science Fridays” on NPR.
damn damn damn!

some days i want so badly not to be geeky. then again why not?

it is like having to choose between super powers and obscurity.

on one hand, you get all the fame of being super and being able to do amazing things. people who want you for your specialness and not for who you are.it doesn’t matter what you look like because people are able to look the other way because you have something they want. people who want to just be seen with you to boost their own egos. but with fame comes a great deal more of the negative issues related to having it all. after a while i would suppose you would be wishing for obscurity again.
hmmmmm…

maybe i should wish for super powers so that i could at least enjoy what i know i wouldn’t want my life to be like so when i head back into geeky obscurity, it won’t seem as bad as it is now in terms of love.

goddess

Companionship? love? or a reason to commit murder?

Who the hell in sam fuck all decided that men were necessary for companionship?

i am willing to bet you that a man did.
I find myself lately on a daily basis trying to figure out why i continue to find difficult men in my quest for I-don’t-wanna-be-single-no-more-hood.
i fully recognize that i myself, am a difficult person.
i hide no shame in my ability to be a pain in the ass WHILE expressing my opinions.
i understand that i am not perfect and it is not plausible for me to expect perfection of others.

i know. i know. i know.

i wasn’t born yesterday.
so why do all the men i date act like i was?

i’m either finding someone who can’t stay away from me lest i crumble into a pillar of salt. or someone who turns out to be gay. better still, who treats me like dirt because they think i should pay for all the bitches who did them wrong. wait, don’t forget the dude from the bay with the crazy fetish.
i am not here for emotional target practice.
i’m holding the UZI. perhaps that’s why the pickings are so slim on my side of the LZ

What i don’t understand is why i like my DOG more than men most days. No matter how hard i try, i seem to find my equal in bullheadedness with the men i date. i want to know what the hell i did to cause the backlash that i experience every day that i am in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. did i sacrifice my youngest on the alter in 75 B.C. with my wife wailing in the background? did i punish all girls in my village with blond hair by removing their ears? was i the dude lucky enough to be chosen to select the virgin for tossing into the volcano?

what in the hell did i do? i was looking at some books in my shed today and i found the book “loving a difficult man” and almost fell backwards and down the stairs. i obviously stayed in a relationship far too long if i had bought that book. good for me because of the title even better for the author. what if the author had been honest and published it with the right title “how to put up with a difficult man” or better yet, “how to bury a difficult man…and get away with it scott free to be able to live your life the way you want it with the perfect mate”. what would the author stand to lose?
riiiiiiiiiiiiight!
not much. “why” you ask?
because women are desperate and will buy anything that will tell them that a relationship will work out if they just put their nose to the grindstone. so what if she spends the rest of her life looking like “he who shall not be named” at least she stuck around long enough to prove all of the feminists, lesbians and bitter ex-wives wrong.

shame on me for thinking that i could find a good man.

i am surely coming to the conclusion that i may never find the right one.

as i type this, i have one in my bed right now snoozing away because he was more tired than he was willing to work on something that has been bothering me for the past week.
do i know what that is? no. I AM A WOMAN FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!

we are supposed to be so in love.
then i got to thinking about how it seems that he is the one in love with me more than i with him.
i expect to be able to be myself but the self that he is sometimes is more than i can stand. why? be cause i am the picky one? because i am the one who can’t seem to listen to the voice of reason… *ahem* manly *ahem* reason?

yeah.
probably.

women are not supposed to be the most rational beasts on the planet but sometimes men need to turn off their need to fix shit and just shove a sock in their mouths and LISTEN! i truly feel that if international conflicts can be solved this way, so can relationships (no really, i heard it did work once, but i think it was either Jimmy Carter talking or Bill Clinton).

this tends to not be the situation… not even close. someone always has to love one more than they other. there has to be imbalance. why have relationships if you can’t have conflict? why have relationships if you don’t have something to work on? why have relationships if you can’t have a reason to sit out in the living room and blog instead of heading to bed at 12:44am on a Sunday morning even though you were up at 6:30am being rushed out of bed to take the dogs to the dog park because you would be invited to a complaint-fest if you said you wanted to go at 8am because someone likes to over plan shit?

is that fair?
*stomps feet*
who the hell wrote the book on love?
*shakes fist at the sky*

oh yeah. see line 3…

to be continued…

goddess

haven’t written any prose in a while…

The phone rings while I am on the phone with a friend. I don’t answer it in time but I decide (against my better judgment, mind you ) to check the message…

It is a call from the substitute teacher telling me that she has been the sub for the week and that Milo has had a pretty “rough” week. I am almost laughing as I listen to the message. He has not had a rough week, his teacher who knows her class is not there. Who’s at fault? Milo? The rest of the kids in class? The rooster up the street? No. The substitute teacher and the administrators at the school. Maybe even the teacher herself.

Teachers, if you have a difficult class, please feel free to take the time to tell a substitute teacher about the class. Do not assume that the children will behave differently read: positively, when you are gone. Please expect the behavior to remain the same in your absence. Please let the parents know that you will be absent so that we can help our children prepare for the change, set boundaries and present them with consequences if things do not go as planned. Hell, ask for parent volunteers for that week. I know there are others who have signed the list to help and have not been called ( me included )THAT is how you set a child up for success.

The substitute wanted me to “have a little chat with” Milo so that he can have a better day tomorrow. Do you need me to beat his ass? Do you need me to ground him for a week from his video games? Do you want me to come get him for the rest of the day? Yes, let me have a little chat with my son about something that I have nothing but second hand information on.

Apparently, he splashed water on a kid in the lunch room and got a citation for that.
*screeching brakes*
Do you really write citations for water? Did you only write one for Milo because the other kid was wet? Do think maybe the other kid ( who Milo said did it first ) had bad aim? I get so tired of people expecting me to discipline him for behaviors unknown to me. I say if they want to teach him how to act at school, THEY handle it at the school. Don’t send him home to me so I can ask him how his day went, only to hear that he was on a green day and that everything had gone fine.
I would expect more from people trained exclusively to work with children. You change behavior when you correct it at the source. You don’t send it home to an overworked, stressed exhausted parent to handle because it is too much on your plate. Make the kids run laps. If there is no medical excuse on file, it is not cruelty. If they need to leave you class for a while, please make sure they are doing something active and helpful. Don’t just send them to be idle in another class because ( duh ) they will get in more trouble.

From now on school, you are going to get my opinion on the back of your useless ( and unsigned ) citation letting you know that I cannot punish my son based on hearsay.

Now if you want me to come sit in your class all day….

I didn’t think so.

Goddess

Even though she is gone….

i am still haunted by the things she did behind my back. i am losing it over my cell phone bill. she has not enough common sense or conscience to realize that she cannot take a phone that was given to her for contact with home and add 26 dollars worth of ring tones?
yes i am still in not so happy mood but, but damn! is there a way to cleanse my live of the irritation?

some people will say to pray. been there done that still doing that
some people recommend retail therapy. broke and jobless. plus i am paying for the bills she racked up while here.
some people say to let it go. check out my answer to retail therapy part three.

i still want to shake her parents.
i want to shake fate for dealing her such a blow.
i want to yell at the chromosomes in her body for jacking her up beyond what i can handle
i want to napalm the system. they let her down like no child should be let down.

wow! i guess i will have to stick to my same advice that i give to myself and VENT!

in time it will get better.
i pray.

goddess

Breathing on my own again…

I get to have my life back. I wonder what kind of life i had that made me want to give it up so easily.

Foster parenting. I have had the very best/worst (depends on who you are) initiation a person could ever have into foster parenting. I think that the most important thing in foster care is the parents. if you take the time and energy to make sure that your parents are prepared and ready to encounter the children who come through their homes, the children will be headed into a far better situation.

in my situation with my first foster child, what i got was a hazing like i pledged a college sorority. i didn’t want to have a rough time with a child. i didn’t want to resent the fact that i was attempting to parent a child in a way that was more than foreign to me and not working to boot. there is a lot of psychological child raising that is not working with the human element.
I know you can praise your dogs and they will do good for you. when you work with children, you begin to notice that you ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog when it comes to your ability to train a child but someone out there writing these books may want to consider having some children of their own before telling those of us who do how to raise them.

they have personalities. they have opinions. worst of all, they have rights.

more rights than you; an over the age of 18, 21, able to drink, vote and get shot in a war have.

when did they decide that children needed more rights than adults? when people who abused their children got careless. i am sure for many generations it was okay to “spare the rod or spoil the child”. this worked when you had children who did not go to school because of the harvest and a solid beating was enough to keep them doing their work so that the family wouldn’t starve or freeze over the winter.
industrialized civilization had to find a place to put all the crumb-snatchers while the parents were out working in the cities in factories during the war effort and beating out a meager existence when Wall Street crashed.

what happened is that children became known as the less capable of humans.

those less capable of caring for themselves had to be protected from those whose place it was to care for them.

systems put in place led us to where we are now.

Goddess