This one will bring tears to your eyes! i see music as the saving grace for our nations of the world.
just … imagine…music…teaching…cooperation

Bobby McFerrin walks into a UN meeting and leads them in this demonstration of togetherness and cooperation. no need for interpreters, armed guards, lobbyists, nuclear weapons…..

just hearts and sound. music from within.

why is this so hard to imagine?

now listen to it again from the beginning with your eyes closed and see this happen. if we all do this…

it will

Goddess

On to the next one (my list just got

I’m just too independent for a great many men. It has to get better after a while. The wonderful man I met turned out to be a little to clingy for my liking. All that existed in our relationship revolved around me but I was not a welcome sun in this solar system. It has to be a balanced infatuation. I was really into this guy at the onset of the relationship but he got really serious really fast and we stopped having fun.
Not… Fun… At… All… :/
It is important that you come from something when you begin a relationship. If all you have are acquaintances and co-workers as your circle of friends, you are going to be in a real pickle if you begin a relationship with a social butterfly.
I firmly believe that I am the person I am because of my experiences with other human beings and living creatures both large and small, plant and animal.
How can you relate to me when you have no memory of how you came to be? Does that put you in a category of persons with no social skills? Not 100% but pretty damned close.
There are things you just have to KNOW what to do to survive and be content in this world of personalities.
Think about it .//
If you are unable to read social cues how can you perform satisfactorily in public. If you are ribbing a person with something you thought was funny and the person is done laughing, do you continue to play up the joke even if the other person has said they were done enjoying the joke with their mannerisms and behavior? Often times you will stop when you see that either the joke was lost completely or over. Both sides agree to do so by reading each others faces and body language.
I have not lost faith in the world of dating.
I just need to remember where I put it.

To be continued…

Goddess

Companionship? love? or a reason to commit murder?

Who the hell in sam fuck all decided that men were necessary for companionship?

i am willing to bet you that a man did.
I find myself lately on a daily basis trying to figure out why i continue to find difficult men in my quest for I-don’t-wanna-be-single-no-more-hood.
i fully recognize that i myself, am a difficult person.
i hide no shame in my ability to be a pain in the ass WHILE expressing my opinions.
i understand that i am not perfect and it is not plausible for me to expect perfection of others.

i know. i know. i know.

i wasn’t born yesterday.
so why do all the men i date act like i was?

i’m either finding someone who can’t stay away from me lest i crumble into a pillar of salt. or someone who turns out to be gay. better still, who treats me like dirt because they think i should pay for all the bitches who did them wrong. wait, don’t forget the dude from the bay with the crazy fetish.
i am not here for emotional target practice.
i’m holding the UZI. perhaps that’s why the pickings are so slim on my side of the LZ

What i don’t understand is why i like my DOG more than men most days. No matter how hard i try, i seem to find my equal in bullheadedness with the men i date. i want to know what the hell i did to cause the backlash that i experience every day that i am in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. did i sacrifice my youngest on the alter in 75 B.C. with my wife wailing in the background? did i punish all girls in my village with blond hair by removing their ears? was i the dude lucky enough to be chosen to select the virgin for tossing into the volcano?

what in the hell did i do? i was looking at some books in my shed today and i found the book “loving a difficult man” and almost fell backwards and down the stairs. i obviously stayed in a relationship far too long if i had bought that book. good for me because of the title even better for the author. what if the author had been honest and published it with the right title “how to put up with a difficult man” or better yet, “how to bury a difficult man…and get away with it scott free to be able to live your life the way you want it with the perfect mate”. what would the author stand to lose?
riiiiiiiiiiiiight!
not much. “why” you ask?
because women are desperate and will buy anything that will tell them that a relationship will work out if they just put their nose to the grindstone. so what if she spends the rest of her life looking like “he who shall not be named” at least she stuck around long enough to prove all of the feminists, lesbians and bitter ex-wives wrong.

shame on me for thinking that i could find a good man.

i am surely coming to the conclusion that i may never find the right one.

as i type this, i have one in my bed right now snoozing away because he was more tired than he was willing to work on something that has been bothering me for the past week.
do i know what that is? no. I AM A WOMAN FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!

we are supposed to be so in love.
then i got to thinking about how it seems that he is the one in love with me more than i with him.
i expect to be able to be myself but the self that he is sometimes is more than i can stand. why? be cause i am the picky one? because i am the one who can’t seem to listen to the voice of reason… *ahem* manly *ahem* reason?

yeah.
probably.

women are not supposed to be the most rational beasts on the planet but sometimes men need to turn off their need to fix shit and just shove a sock in their mouths and LISTEN! i truly feel that if international conflicts can be solved this way, so can relationships (no really, i heard it did work once, but i think it was either Jimmy Carter talking or Bill Clinton).

this tends to not be the situation… not even close. someone always has to love one more than they other. there has to be imbalance. why have relationships if you can’t have conflict? why have relationships if you don’t have something to work on? why have relationships if you can’t have a reason to sit out in the living room and blog instead of heading to bed at 12:44am on a Sunday morning even though you were up at 6:30am being rushed out of bed to take the dogs to the dog park because you would be invited to a complaint-fest if you said you wanted to go at 8am because someone likes to over plan shit?

is that fair?
*stomps feet*
who the hell wrote the book on love?
*shakes fist at the sky*

oh yeah. see line 3…

to be continued…

goddess

She’s still around

A part of me still cares for the girl? The foster daughter who has moved on to another home has a few numbers permanently stored in her memory banks. She never stays out of sight for too long.
I got a call from her tonight telling me that she had a bit of a “situation”. All I could think was “I really don’t have any money to bail her out of jail or pay for an appointment at THE CLINIC!”
She had run into some issues at the new home she was at and was perhaps calling me to see if I could help her out of the predicament she was in.
I heard her story out and then proceeded to call her therapist to have her discuss some of her options.
I remember when there was a time when I would have dropped every single last thing to help a person in need. Where did I go wrong?
Did I actually go wrong?
If I am shouldn’t I feel guilt?
If I don’t feel guilt maybe remorse is a better word.
I know I experienced it at a young age…

Humility.
Couple that with a little shame and you find yourself with a person not afraid to make mistakes and the dignity to admit when she is wrong.
My dear little former foster child has no ability to discern between a righteous act and an act of selfishness. I wonder how long it might take her to recognize that when it is time to, as my dear old dad used to say, “get somewhere and light”, which means be still and do not bring any undue attention upon yourself.

Sometimes it is nice to hang back in the shadows but in my case, there is a lot of battling to do. I started thinking about the parties involved with this scenario brought up tonight and I just shake my damn head.
When will she learn?
She can learn one of two things.
Learn to lie right and keep her story straight
Or
Start telling the truth more often.
So much is missing from most of her stories … The other side.

haven’t written any prose in a while…

The phone rings while I am on the phone with a friend. I don’t answer it in time but I decide (against my better judgment, mind you ) to check the message…

It is a call from the substitute teacher telling me that she has been the sub for the week and that Milo has had a pretty “rough” week. I am almost laughing as I listen to the message. He has not had a rough week, his teacher who knows her class is not there. Who’s at fault? Milo? The rest of the kids in class? The rooster up the street? No. The substitute teacher and the administrators at the school. Maybe even the teacher herself.

Teachers, if you have a difficult class, please feel free to take the time to tell a substitute teacher about the class. Do not assume that the children will behave differently read: positively, when you are gone. Please expect the behavior to remain the same in your absence. Please let the parents know that you will be absent so that we can help our children prepare for the change, set boundaries and present them with consequences if things do not go as planned. Hell, ask for parent volunteers for that week. I know there are others who have signed the list to help and have not been called ( me included )THAT is how you set a child up for success.

The substitute wanted me to “have a little chat with” Milo so that he can have a better day tomorrow. Do you need me to beat his ass? Do you need me to ground him for a week from his video games? Do you want me to come get him for the rest of the day? Yes, let me have a little chat with my son about something that I have nothing but second hand information on.

Apparently, he splashed water on a kid in the lunch room and got a citation for that.
*screeching brakes*
Do you really write citations for water? Did you only write one for Milo because the other kid was wet? Do think maybe the other kid ( who Milo said did it first ) had bad aim? I get so tired of people expecting me to discipline him for behaviors unknown to me. I say if they want to teach him how to act at school, THEY handle it at the school. Don’t send him home to me so I can ask him how his day went, only to hear that he was on a green day and that everything had gone fine.
I would expect more from people trained exclusively to work with children. You change behavior when you correct it at the source. You don’t send it home to an overworked, stressed exhausted parent to handle because it is too much on your plate. Make the kids run laps. If there is no medical excuse on file, it is not cruelty. If they need to leave you class for a while, please make sure they are doing something active and helpful. Don’t just send them to be idle in another class because ( duh ) they will get in more trouble.

From now on school, you are going to get my opinion on the back of your useless ( and unsigned ) citation letting you know that I cannot punish my son based on hearsay.

Now if you want me to come sit in your class all day….

I didn’t think so.

Goddess

Even though she is gone….

i am still haunted by the things she did behind my back. i am losing it over my cell phone bill. she has not enough common sense or conscience to realize that she cannot take a phone that was given to her for contact with home and add 26 dollars worth of ring tones?
yes i am still in not so happy mood but, but damn! is there a way to cleanse my live of the irritation?

some people will say to pray. been there done that still doing that
some people recommend retail therapy. broke and jobless. plus i am paying for the bills she racked up while here.
some people say to let it go. check out my answer to retail therapy part three.

i still want to shake her parents.
i want to shake fate for dealing her such a blow.
i want to yell at the chromosomes in her body for jacking her up beyond what i can handle
i want to napalm the system. they let her down like no child should be let down.

wow! i guess i will have to stick to my same advice that i give to myself and VENT!

in time it will get better.
i pray.

goddess

Breathing on my own again…

I get to have my life back. I wonder what kind of life i had that made me want to give it up so easily.

Foster parenting. I have had the very best/worst (depends on who you are) initiation a person could ever have into foster parenting. I think that the most important thing in foster care is the parents. if you take the time and energy to make sure that your parents are prepared and ready to encounter the children who come through their homes, the children will be headed into a far better situation.

in my situation with my first foster child, what i got was a hazing like i pledged a college sorority. i didn’t want to have a rough time with a child. i didn’t want to resent the fact that i was attempting to parent a child in a way that was more than foreign to me and not working to boot. there is a lot of psychological child raising that is not working with the human element.
I know you can praise your dogs and they will do good for you. when you work with children, you begin to notice that you ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog when it comes to your ability to train a child but someone out there writing these books may want to consider having some children of their own before telling those of us who do how to raise them.

they have personalities. they have opinions. worst of all, they have rights.

more rights than you; an over the age of 18, 21, able to drink, vote and get shot in a war have.

when did they decide that children needed more rights than adults? when people who abused their children got careless. i am sure for many generations it was okay to “spare the rod or spoil the child”. this worked when you had children who did not go to school because of the harvest and a solid beating was enough to keep them doing their work so that the family wouldn’t starve or freeze over the winter.
industrialized civilization had to find a place to put all the crumb-snatchers while the parents were out working in the cities in factories during the war effort and beating out a meager existence when Wall Street crashed.

what happened is that children became known as the less capable of humans.

those less capable of caring for themselves had to be protected from those whose place it was to care for them.

systems put in place led us to where we are now.

Goddess

*sings like MJ* she’s outta my life……

I have had to come up with a truly defined reason as to why i am going to have to let DD go.

my son.

he is a very caring giving child. hell, he is 9 and he still carries around his teddy bear in the house and to sleepovers. the issue that we have in my home is that DD is so very reactive that she has become a very shiny object for my son to hunt down and bat around every time she comes around.

it has caused so much grief and upheaval in the home. it is fine time that he learn to be quiet. but because of all of her absolutely insane behavior, he has taken a stance that she either doesn’t matter to anyone so he can just take after her or that she obviously wants the attention so why not?

i am convinced that her incorrigible behavior is contagious. she has taken my little chocolate mild-mannered Clark Kent and turned him into the freakin’ Goblin.

he zooms in and out of her world tormenting her like seagulls at the end of a potato chip festival. you get my drift?
swooping and diving and not too careful about who they crash into. just so they can get the loot.

i know that we might have been the Alamo for DD.

i pray to God that i am wrong

goddess

Let’s Bring Polite Back

I don’t understand why children go off to college and forget all of their manners. Is that because they are spreading their wings away from the parental nest and want to test the boundaries? Maybe it is because they were raised with no manners. I swear to Goddess, if one more time, I am walking as far to the right as I can and another 19 or 20 year old walks into me acting like I am blocking the road way, the shit is going to hit the proverbial fan.
I don’t know when lack of manners stopped being a rule and being rude became the social norm.
Probably about the time handwriting became an elective in elementary school.
I say that ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ come back into fashion again. Let’s make it a mandatory class in high school like home economics. Teach kids how to cook and sew. How to balance a checkbook and how to open door for people and how to jusy be nice.
I hate to say that we are part of a culture who is hell bent on sending our manners up the road with the dinosaurs.
It’s time we bring old fashion, common sense, respectable ‘boy-don’t-you-make-me -have-to-snatch-you-up-in-public’ manners back.

Goddess