haven’t written any prose in a while…

The phone rings while I am on the phone with a friend. I don’t answer it in time but I decide (against my better judgment, mind you ) to check the message…

It is a call from the substitute teacher telling me that she has been the sub for the week and that Milo has had a pretty “rough” week. I am almost laughing as I listen to the message. He has not had a rough week, his teacher who knows her class is not there. Who’s at fault? Milo? The rest of the kids in class? The rooster up the street? No. The substitute teacher and the administrators at the school. Maybe even the teacher herself.

Teachers, if you have a difficult class, please feel free to take the time to tell a substitute teacher about the class. Do not assume that the children will behave differently read: positively, when you are gone. Please expect the behavior to remain the same in your absence. Please let the parents know that you will be absent so that we can help our children prepare for the change, set boundaries and present them with consequences if things do not go as planned. Hell, ask for parent volunteers for that week. I know there are others who have signed the list to help and have not been called ( me included )THAT is how you set a child up for success.

The substitute wanted me to “have a little chat with” Milo so that he can have a better day tomorrow. Do you need me to beat his ass? Do you need me to ground him for a week from his video games? Do you want me to come get him for the rest of the day? Yes, let me have a little chat with my son about something that I have nothing but second hand information on.

Apparently, he splashed water on a kid in the lunch room and got a citation for that.
*screeching brakes*
Do you really write citations for water? Did you only write one for Milo because the other kid was wet? Do think maybe the other kid ( who Milo said did it first ) had bad aim? I get so tired of people expecting me to discipline him for behaviors unknown to me. I say if they want to teach him how to act at school, THEY handle it at the school. Don’t send him home to me so I can ask him how his day went, only to hear that he was on a green day and that everything had gone fine.
I would expect more from people trained exclusively to work with children. You change behavior when you correct it at the source. You don’t send it home to an overworked, stressed exhausted parent to handle because it is too much on your plate. Make the kids run laps. If there is no medical excuse on file, it is not cruelty. If they need to leave you class for a while, please make sure they are doing something active and helpful. Don’t just send them to be idle in another class because ( duh ) they will get in more trouble.

From now on school, you are going to get my opinion on the back of your useless ( and unsigned ) citation letting you know that I cannot punish my son based on hearsay.

Now if you want me to come sit in your class all day….

I didn’t think so.

Goddess

Even though she is gone….

i am still haunted by the things she did behind my back. i am losing it over my cell phone bill. she has not enough common sense or conscience to realize that she cannot take a phone that was given to her for contact with home and add 26 dollars worth of ring tones?
yes i am still in not so happy mood but, but damn! is there a way to cleanse my live of the irritation?

some people will say to pray. been there done that still doing that
some people recommend retail therapy. broke and jobless. plus i am paying for the bills she racked up while here.
some people say to let it go. check out my answer to retail therapy part three.

i still want to shake her parents.
i want to shake fate for dealing her such a blow.
i want to yell at the chromosomes in her body for jacking her up beyond what i can handle
i want to napalm the system. they let her down like no child should be let down.

wow! i guess i will have to stick to my same advice that i give to myself and VENT!

in time it will get better.
i pray.

goddess

The school from hell

there is such a thing as a poor education. i have seen it in a few instances in my life.
a parent sometimes thinks that they are doing the right thing by their children by putting them in schools that push academics.
there is so much more than academics. there is the heart of a child. i see no reason whatsoever for my child to be in a school where they rank academics and numbers over your child.

I’m sorry but to have your child in a school where a majority of the teachers don’t even have children of their own is a problem.
My son goes to a school where academics are paramount but the teachers have it stuck in their minds that the children can recognize, and modify behavior on their own.
my son was in the office when i got there today.
he pulled a yellow for staring off into space
he pulled a blue for talking in line
he pulled an orange for talking in the library
he pulled a red for talking in line again
and he pulled a black for playing with his pants during reading time.
the black got him sent to detention in the office. not to the principal where they could have a discussion about the actions that got them there in the first place.
the teacher does nothing but tell the child they are going to pull a card. granted, the child does know why they are pulling the card after the fact.
the child is not building upon any lessons given to them from the teacher.

my son is listening and does not need to see the teacher to learning.
teachers want children rapt with excited anticipation at the next word that will come out of their minds.
how do you teach a blind student who can’t see you?
how do you teach a Deaf student who can’t hear you?

you don’t send them to the office if they are getting the lesson and not causing a distraction.

…The School That Shall Not Be Named is a non-profit organization that opens and operates small, high-performing public charter schools that are preparing the most under served students for college. We provide our educators with the tools and support they need to provide a high quality, personalized education for every The School That Shall Not Be Named student. Our small schools and small classes give you the chance to know every student and his/her family at a personal level. Our network of schools across the state provide you with incredible opportunities to grow personally and professionally in various roles across the organization. We hope you join us in this important work for the children of California!

i am so glad i knew when to run. for my child’s sake and for mine.

bleh

goddess

*sings like MJ* she’s outta my life……

I have had to come up with a truly defined reason as to why i am going to have to let DD go.

my son.

he is a very caring giving child. hell, he is 9 and he still carries around his teddy bear in the house and to sleepovers. the issue that we have in my home is that DD is so very reactive that she has become a very shiny object for my son to hunt down and bat around every time she comes around.

it has caused so much grief and upheaval in the home. it is fine time that he learn to be quiet. but because of all of her absolutely insane behavior, he has taken a stance that she either doesn’t matter to anyone so he can just take after her or that she obviously wants the attention so why not?

i am convinced that her incorrigible behavior is contagious. she has taken my little chocolate mild-mannered Clark Kent and turned him into the freakin’ Goblin.

he zooms in and out of her world tormenting her like seagulls at the end of a potato chip festival. you get my drift?
swooping and diving and not too careful about who they crash into. just so they can get the loot.

i know that we might have been the Alamo for DD.

i pray to God that i am wrong

goddess

As promised… A new blog series…

I have decided to go back to blogging. I have started a new chapter in my life. One that includes managing the lives of those whose lives have either been poorly managed or whose lives have never been managed well by the adults entrusted to their well-being.

FOSTER CARE

It seemed pretty easy when I signed up with the agency. I was gung-ho. I had worked through it with my then 8-year-old and he was on board. All we had to do was wait…
And wait we did. No calls. No letters. No updates. If anything, we had false starts and failed communication. This was no one’s fault though. This is how it goes when you have multiple agencies trying to place a child as quickly as possible.

Then came the call and the request.

“You can meet her Gracie at the Christmas party.”

I asked how old this child was and they said 14.
Hmmmmmm…… 14.
I raised my niece from 15 to 19. This couldn’t be that hard.

I met the girl at the party and she seemed nice enough. I met the family that she lived with and it seemed okay.
I let them know that she could come stay with me…….
Little did I know what I was getting myself into.

This new blog series entitled “My daughter in a haze” is about my foster daughter. She is enchanting, very clever, loves to tell stories and is remarkably angry.
I discovered these things along the way during her stay with my son and I.

It has opened my eyes to a world I knew about but had never participated in as a parent.

My life is forever changed.

I have yet to check my feelings on this one.

Stay tuned.

Goddess

what would happen if we had to pay for EVERYTHING

We would not be able to flush our own shit people!

Credit is what built this nation and many would like to see us never have to worry about things being charge out, over or off for the greater good.

I have been very ill as of late and if I had to pay full price for all of the doctor’s visits, cat scans, x-rays, prescriptions, blood tests and the like, I would have filed for bankruptcy about 2 weeks into it.

There is no way that we, as an American people would be able to help one another enough with the way we think if we had no welfare, no VA, no medical, no Medicare. everything would work on donations from the rich (yeah the people who don’t want to share now) or from those who have not filed for protection from creditors if they had to pocket the cost of the roads they drive on, the water they drink, the sewer that takes away all of their household waste.

How would we survive?

I know there is no easy fix to the health care crisis but to take big business out of it.
If companies were in this to help people, there would be no problem with health care. when you stretch out your procedures and wait painfully long times to do trials and then an even longer time to announce results and findings just to make sure your pockets stay lined so your kids can spend 4 years at Princeton smoking pot, drinking booze, and waiting for a seat to be cleared for their job that mommy or daddy bought them, it is next to impossible to keep the bottom lines of big business out of our bodies.

The only people suffering right now are the lower, middle and upper middle class people of the United States. I don’t have the numbers in my head right now, but that is a majority of America people!

The best way to work on preservation is to work on what you have in your little world.
1. Plant a garden with food that you can manage
2. Can and preserve what you can
3. Get to know your neighbors… WELL
4. Work on a coop where you share what you cannot eat, can or preserve with your neighbors. If you all are growing different types of foods, just imagine how far that can go.
5. Co-op childcare so that you will not have to pay every single last time you make in child care costs
6. Use the public schools for their purpose
7. be active in your cities and towns. Join the school council, run for mayor, become a councilperson.
8. Don’t be afraid to speak your own thoughts but DO NOT SHOUT THEM! Lately, so many people are yelling that the children are beginning to get scared and the dogs are running to the corners to hide.
9. Have faith that things can and will change. Don’t give up because of a hard time trying implementing a plan.
10. SHARE YOUR KNOWLEDGE! Do not hoard what you know. Do not be ashamed or embarrassed having information that might sound silly at first but if put with other great minds can cause great change.

This is a living list

If we all live it and bring it to life, there should be no problem with changing the world we see it and work from ‘needs’ portion of the list instead of the ‘wants’.

We all have choices to make.
We all have change to effect.
We all have a right to a peaceful.
We all have a right to stay healthy.

We all have a right to work alone or together but rule number 10 says it might be a good idea to occasionally pop out of your burrow to share the information with others.

life is like a box of chocolates…

you always know that most of them are going to taste like shite and are going to end up back in the package with a bite out of them.

i am tired of apologizing for how i am.
yes i am funny
yes i am a caring person
yes i have my problems
yes i will listen to your

unfortunately I DON’T HAVE A FECKING FILTER!!!

the reason i stopped making apologies to people about my personality is that i cannot change it without wanting to slit my wrist to the fucking elbow.

grrrrrrrrrr

i am done with sorry. there are some people who understand me and they will be lifelong friends because they stopped trying to figure me out a long time ago. thank the lord for patient people who understand that human nature is not to be understood always and sometimes forgiven.

i think that family is the least forgiving and for that, i will say a prayer because i can only take so much.

woooooo saaaaaaah

Goddess


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The School saga continues

Corporate America does not give a flying wet noodle about their employees trying to better themselves.
I am trying to get into the classes that I need and i have a bit of a dilemna.

3 days a week for the semester, i need to leave 30 minutes early in order to make it to my 430 start classes. I have spoken to a few people and they say that they will not be able to work with me on that because i work in an office full of people who would want the same thing if they gave it to me.
what i would want to see if them present their supervisors with the same quest i have . it is my senior year, i have 7 more classes to take and i am ready, signed up and even have a scholarship for help.
in just one day, i went from asking for very little to asking for an unpaid leave of absence to wanting to turn in my resignation. i want to finish school THAT BAD!!!!!

i supposed i needed to speak for myself. my manager asked a question of a peer and she did not translate it properly and now it looks like i might be able to work it out. now is not the time to be unemployed i agree, but this dream i am chasing will not slip from my hands.

i am still working on my plan as if they are not going to give me time and i am going to speak to the department chair to try and work it out to get into an evening program to finish my coursework.

it is time. my time. milo’s time.

Goddess


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Fuckwad…Fuckiedoodle…Homewrecking Ikea!

Cleaning this house is going to take a combination of Freecycle, a yard sale from Hades and some Zanax to get done! There is no way I am going to get this house cleaned with all that is in it. I am going to have to start tossing things.
Then I think to myself. What am I going to do with all my books? My lost socks? My clothes that don’t fit? my Time? My energy?
I am so sure that there will come a time in the future (whenever that may be) when I need those books for PowerPoint 2000, that they are still in my closet collecting dust.

*do you hear screeching car wheels?*

Well I sure as hell do and it is fine time this house gets a real tearing down.

That little lady on Poltergeist was wrong too so I make note to myself not to call on her. I don’t think she would be worth my money.

I came home today and stared and stared at my house.

Laundry in the living room. My work desk items packed from preparing for a strike blocking the patio door. My TV room is just a mess with nothing. It is neither messy, organized or orderly. I don’t have a word for that room.

My son’s room is full of his mess and I have committed myself to turning that over to his great-uncle for maintenance.

The spare bedroom just begs for attention, but I can’t get that far.

My bedroom is where I need to start. But do I want to strip it down to the bare walls and start over or just rearrange it.
Let me start by saying that I have rearranged this room at least 6 times in the past 4 years. Rearrangement is not working. The furniture is cool, but I have just too much stuff in there. I have not enough closet space and the clothes I try to squeeze in there I can’t squeeze into myself, so why do I continue to keep them around?

Shit!

I have a 3 day weekend and I am going to dig in. Just one room.
My bedroom.

Anyone up for a yard sale?

Anyone???

Goddess


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Non-Custodial Parent relief my arse!

Once again, I am faced with another Sunday on a 1st and 3rd weekend.
My son leaves for his fathers in the late afternoon of saturday and I pick him up on the early evening of Sunday.

some folks would say that I should be happy to have the time off but what most people don’t realize is that the time my son is at his fathers house , I have barely enough time to think let alone, try to get all of the things that I have neglected over the past 2 weeks and get the rest that I so badly need to catch up on.

I slept in this morning until 10am. I then went to cut the front lawn. It is now noon and I am sitting here at my computer, looking at a living room with all the shit on the floor swept into a pile by the patio door, three loads of laundy to do and 1 load of towels.

As I turn my head to the left and look behind me, I see a kitchen that is just begging for attention. I have two bathrooms that I just shut the door on most days because they are at the bottom of a monumental list.

No time for myself pisses me off. I am stretched beyond what should be allowed for single parents.

This is not how single parenting should be. That is why it is better to raise a child together and equally, even if you are not together anymore.

I watched a little TV last night read a little of a new book I would love to finish sometime in the next century and hit the sack.

Now I have weeds to pull on my patio and the laundry and the kitchen and the tv room. did I forget to mention the tv room. Jeezus Mary Mother of God.
That is another nightmare.

I want to say f*ck it and head on out to the movies but I know this stuff needs to get done.
Bad thing is that I only have 4.5 hours left in my day to get anything done because I have to leave my house to head downtown to pick up my son by 5pm.

I have a frriend , a lovely friend, Kathy who caught me and called me on my sh*t by recognizing that I never ask for help, so now I have to allow her to help me because I am at a level of overwhelm where I want to say “fuck it” all the time. She is right.

I will ask for help.
I can ask for help.
There are so many things that i just give up on.

Oh yeah… I CAN do Algebra *thanks Terrie*

correcction… 4.25 hours now.

Goddess


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