This one will bring tears to your eyes! i see music as the saving grace for our nations of the world.
just … imagine…music…teaching…cooperation

Bobby McFerrin walks into a UN meeting and leads them in this demonstration of togetherness and cooperation. no need for interpreters, armed guards, lobbyists, nuclear weapons…..

just hearts and sound. music from within.

why is this so hard to imagine?

now listen to it again from the beginning with your eyes closed and see this happen. if we all do this…

it will

Goddess

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A new chapter in my life…

I am taking an adaptive Physical Education class and I am having a blast in it. The class is an introduction to the instruction of PE to children s with disabilities. As a part of the class, we are required to do service hours with a few projects around town. I chose project Play. We have many children who are brought together from the area with mild to moderate disabilities. Children in this program can be working with Autism, Down’s syndrome, Intellectual Disabilities and some physical disabilities.

Tonight was my first night and I was assigned Jacob*. He came with his grandmother Verne*. He is staying with Verne while his mom is on active duty in the military. Jacob has high functioning Autism. He is bright as everything and so willing to direct and make sure everything is done to his liking.

I filled out an info card with Verne and then went to play (he would not come to meet me so I had to go out and initiate contact). Jacob has some issues with socialization and behavior. He is an only child so it is complicated by the fact that he is not the most social child and already is the center of his universe by his circumstance.

We played. I mean we PLAYED. He wasn’t sure how to start so he ran from corner to corner trying to find things to do. We played with some bouncy balls and then I could see his mind switch on. He got a jump rope and proceeded to turn a basketball hoop into a trap for bouncy balls. It was interesting to see that many people around him seemed to think that he was having trouble doing what he liked. He would take a large ball and put it in a tube so that it would block the exit. He would then stuff as many balls as he wanted into it to make an avalanche. I watched and watched and watched him. I wanted to see how he was doing. He was having a ball until an adult came by to “help” him. She took the ball out and I could see his fists clench and his face turn down and his elbows go out. He was ready for a fight.

Let’s just say that distraction is a wonderful thing and works even better when you are in a gym filled with toys. We found something else to do and he ran me for the entire 90 minutes I was there. He wanted to collect balls and it took me a minute to recognize that he only wanted one kind of ball. BLUE! I could not figure out why he was ignoring so many other balls. THAT was exhausting and I had a fear that we were going to be going around all night looking for every blue ball so I helped him along by making it a hunt. We found all of the balls.

Jacob is working on sharing and his socialization skills. So I worked on him asking for things from some of the other kids. He would have me start then he would finish. It took a while to go to the other kid who loved to collect balls. He crept up to the side of the play structure the other child was in and tried to start the conversation, when up popped the other child offering him a ball. You should have seen his eyes light up!

At the same time, another group of kids had gotten a hold of the balls that he had so diligently collected and began to spread them through the gym. I hopped into distraction mode and let him know that we needed to go look for something else blue. That came in the form of the roller turtle. You know those little things we used to have races with at the roller rinks when we were kids? I chased and chased and chased and yeah. I’m still tired.

My ass was exhausted. I had to sit down so I asked him to count the balls with me. He was more than willing to watch me count but didn’t want to help. Oh well, this is called Project Play. So I counted (and RESTED) and he watched.

Jacob has high functioning Autism. Most people would look at him now and think he was a kid with only behavior problems if they did not know his history. His mother knew something was not going right with her son’s development and she took it upon herself to make sure that services were in place. She did a fabulous job because he is functioning at a level that will make things more manageable as time goes on. For him and for his teachers and peers.

I have to admit it, I am the kind of person who will fall in love with a child at first sight or make up my mind that I don’t want to work with them as well. He is a challenge, but I am enjoying my time. When it was time to go, he switched to “NO” mode. That was a little difficult to deal with but he recognized that I was not going to tolerate that for long. He was running and playing and scooting around on the turtle and was not ready to go. I reminded him of all the things I did for him and let him know that I have a little boy that I have to get home to and take care of.

We got him to put up the toys and headed out the door and we waked to the car. I chatted with Verne on the way out and started to walk to my car.

Jacob grabbed my arm and took me back to Verne’s car, opened the car door and motioned for me to come with them. I let him know that I was sorry I could not go but that I would see him next time and into the car he went.

I am going to love this physically exhausting opportunity. I was not sure if I could offer any more love to a child and there I was handing out more.

Even though she is gone….

i am still haunted by the things she did behind my back. i am losing it over my cell phone bill. she has not enough common sense or conscience to realize that she cannot take a phone that was given to her for contact with home and add 26 dollars worth of ring tones?
yes i am still in not so happy mood but, but damn! is there a way to cleanse my live of the irritation?

some people will say to pray. been there done that still doing that
some people recommend retail therapy. broke and jobless. plus i am paying for the bills she racked up while here.
some people say to let it go. check out my answer to retail therapy part three.

i still want to shake her parents.
i want to shake fate for dealing her such a blow.
i want to yell at the chromosomes in her body for jacking her up beyond what i can handle
i want to napalm the system. they let her down like no child should be let down.

wow! i guess i will have to stick to my same advice that i give to myself and VENT!

in time it will get better.
i pray.

goddess

The school from hell

there is such a thing as a poor education. i have seen it in a few instances in my life.
a parent sometimes thinks that they are doing the right thing by their children by putting them in schools that push academics.
there is so much more than academics. there is the heart of a child. i see no reason whatsoever for my child to be in a school where they rank academics and numbers over your child.

I’m sorry but to have your child in a school where a majority of the teachers don’t even have children of their own is a problem.
My son goes to a school where academics are paramount but the teachers have it stuck in their minds that the children can recognize, and modify behavior on their own.
my son was in the office when i got there today.
he pulled a yellow for staring off into space
he pulled a blue for talking in line
he pulled an orange for talking in the library
he pulled a red for talking in line again
and he pulled a black for playing with his pants during reading time.
the black got him sent to detention in the office. not to the principal where they could have a discussion about the actions that got them there in the first place.
the teacher does nothing but tell the child they are going to pull a card. granted, the child does know why they are pulling the card after the fact.
the child is not building upon any lessons given to them from the teacher.

my son is listening and does not need to see the teacher to learning.
teachers want children rapt with excited anticipation at the next word that will come out of their minds.
how do you teach a blind student who can’t see you?
how do you teach a Deaf student who can’t hear you?

you don’t send them to the office if they are getting the lesson and not causing a distraction.

…The School That Shall Not Be Named is a non-profit organization that opens and operates small, high-performing public charter schools that are preparing the most under served students for college. We provide our educators with the tools and support they need to provide a high quality, personalized education for every The School That Shall Not Be Named student. Our small schools and small classes give you the chance to know every student and his/her family at a personal level. Our network of schools across the state provide you with incredible opportunities to grow personally and professionally in various roles across the organization. We hope you join us in this important work for the children of California!

i am so glad i knew when to run. for my child’s sake and for mine.

bleh

goddess

Some of not Black America is pissed…

…truth be told, i cannot believe that certain people are unable to accept change. i think that a majority of us were taught to roll with it and accept that change happens. in the ’80s it used to be ‘shit happens’.

yes. things change.
they just do.
people change.
time changes.
minds change.

the weather… that changes.

but when the sky turns gray and the rain begins to fall, do you march on the Vatican or the Temples of the Mormon church or at Oral Roberts University because you can’t handle the change?

no.

you deal with it, put on your damn raincoats and head on out into the world.

i just want to point out a few things.

President Obama is not a BLACK MAN.
he is not a witch doctor.
he is not a reincarnation of Adolf Hitler
he is not Satan and he is not the Messiah

he is a MAN who won the presidential election of 2008.

he is the President.

we have to stop talking shit. NOTHING is getting done because we choose to sit around and bicker and complain about the change he promised us because it does not fit into the round hole.

we do not march down Pennsylvania Ave to stand outside the capitol because we are pissed that our guy didn’t win.
we put on our freaking rain coats and bend with the wind.

“I haven’t laughed so hard since Katie Couric interviewed Sarah Palin. A few thousand white folks called in sick to work last week so they could parade around the nation’s capital on Saturday and Fox News declares a revolution is underway. “

hell, some of us need to put on our waders and bring an umbrella too (there may be a few who need to put the foil back on their heads)!
but we just need to get out into the world and weather the “storm”
what that storm brings to you, and what you are willing to accept is the question.
is it going to wash away your crops or is it going to bring sustaining moisture to allow you to grow what you and your community needs?

however you take it is up to you…

put your waders on and put your pacifiers down America and let’s get this country chuggin’ again!

goddess

life is like a box of chocolates…

you always know that most of them are going to taste like shite and are going to end up back in the package with a bite out of them.

i am tired of apologizing for how i am.
yes i am funny
yes i am a caring person
yes i have my problems
yes i will listen to your

unfortunately I DON’T HAVE A FECKING FILTER!!!

the reason i stopped making apologies to people about my personality is that i cannot change it without wanting to slit my wrist to the fucking elbow.

grrrrrrrrrr

i am done with sorry. there are some people who understand me and they will be lifelong friends because they stopped trying to figure me out a long time ago. thank the lord for patient people who understand that human nature is not to be understood always and sometimes forgiven.

i think that family is the least forgiving and for that, i will say a prayer because i can only take so much.

woooooo saaaaaaah

Goddess


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going back to school

Oh the horror of considering going back to school and being disappointed by what you think are your failures.
I have not failed. I have triumphed. I have managed to leave a destructive relationship, found a love of myself that I still battle with, but am growing more comfortable with day by day. I am proud of myself for taking a risk and coming here today. I sit in a room filled with many people who are noticeably younger than me but I cannot let that bother me. I will press through and continue to make strides toward the future that I want for my son and I.
I feel like I have wasted my time in junior college because I have what feels like nothing to show for my hard work. I had to take a break and call my Auntie Terrie for a kick in the ass. Necessary? Hell yeah. I am sick of my job at ATT. It is time to go. It is time to not be at a place in my life where I want to run but have nowhere to go. I want a place to run, so I will be able to take refuge in a place of solace.
So I have had my good cry… I have taken my time to fall apart. I have been through a fire drill and I am set.

This is MY choice. This is MY life. This is MY change. This is MY future.

Stay tuned…

Goddess

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Non-Custodial Parent relief my arse!

Once again, I am faced with another Sunday on a 1st and 3rd weekend.
My son leaves for his fathers in the late afternoon of saturday and I pick him up on the early evening of Sunday.

some folks would say that I should be happy to have the time off but what most people don’t realize is that the time my son is at his fathers house , I have barely enough time to think let alone, try to get all of the things that I have neglected over the past 2 weeks and get the rest that I so badly need to catch up on.

I slept in this morning until 10am. I then went to cut the front lawn. It is now noon and I am sitting here at my computer, looking at a living room with all the shit on the floor swept into a pile by the patio door, three loads of laundy to do and 1 load of towels.

As I turn my head to the left and look behind me, I see a kitchen that is just begging for attention. I have two bathrooms that I just shut the door on most days because they are at the bottom of a monumental list.

No time for myself pisses me off. I am stretched beyond what should be allowed for single parents.

This is not how single parenting should be. That is why it is better to raise a child together and equally, even if you are not together anymore.

I watched a little TV last night read a little of a new book I would love to finish sometime in the next century and hit the sack.

Now I have weeds to pull on my patio and the laundry and the kitchen and the tv room. did I forget to mention the tv room. Jeezus Mary Mother of God.
That is another nightmare.

I want to say f*ck it and head on out to the movies but I know this stuff needs to get done.
Bad thing is that I only have 4.5 hours left in my day to get anything done because I have to leave my house to head downtown to pick up my son by 5pm.

I have a frriend , a lovely friend, Kathy who caught me and called me on my sh*t by recognizing that I never ask for help, so now I have to allow her to help me because I am at a level of overwhelm where I want to say “fuck it” all the time. She is right.

I will ask for help.
I can ask for help.
There are so many things that i just give up on.

Oh yeah… I CAN do Algebra *thanks Terrie*

correcction… 4.25 hours now.

Goddess


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Exercising to get away from the kids? You Betcha!

More parenting videos on JuiceBoxJungle

I don’t have time to feel guilty for getting time to myself and away from my familial chaos. I find that when i have time away from the boy genius, I am more sane when he wants me to sit and play an hour of Star Wars on the Wii or Star Wars on the XBOX or just a friendly game of chess *smiles*
My thought is that he is just about to turn 8, and I had better do what I can to stay healthy and in shape as I am going to be doing this for the next 16 years (you don’t see your kids leaving home for good at 18 do you?).

Now that I have confessed, there is one exercise that I would love to get to do more often by myself and that is bike ride. I have a rack on my VW that can hold two bikes but I can’t seem to get myself to believe that it is okay to leave the boy and his bike at home for these riding escapades.

To me, it is like going to see a children’s movie with no children.
I am most sure some of you know how I am feeling.

I have to work on that
*makes note to self*
Goddess

poetry

looking up…you better not pout
you better not lie
you better not call me
names or you’ll die

Ex-Wife Claus is coming to town!

she’s making a list
she checking it twice
ex husbands will be
dead and on ice

Ex-Wife Claus is coming to town!

she sees you when you pick up
she sees you when you drop.
she sees you in the restaurant
with a 12 year old she calling the cops?

oh you better not shout
you better not curse
you better stay cool
she’s got a gun in her purse

Ex-Wife Claus is coming to town!

thank the lord i still have a sense of humor. it is what gets me through the hard times. right now, i think it is the hard time. i know it will get better. i feel it coming down the pipe. i have faith that things will improve.
milo will have his Christmas taken care of. i will find a way to get his tuition paid. i will get my bank statements back sooner than later so that i can get on with the court deal. i will do things in my life that make me happy. that will cause things to fall into place sooner than later.

in the meantime, i will still keep smiling, laughing, and enjoying every last minute of my life.

love you all,

me

p.s.
i WILL keep my day job