The school from hell

there is such a thing as a poor education. i have seen it in a few instances in my life.
a parent sometimes thinks that they are doing the right thing by their children by putting them in schools that push academics.
there is so much more than academics. there is the heart of a child. i see no reason whatsoever for my child to be in a school where they rank academics and numbers over your child.

I’m sorry but to have your child in a school where a majority of the teachers don’t even have children of their own is a problem.
My son goes to a school where academics are paramount but the teachers have it stuck in their minds that the children can recognize, and modify behavior on their own.
my son was in the office when i got there today.
he pulled a yellow for staring off into space
he pulled a blue for talking in line
he pulled an orange for talking in the library
he pulled a red for talking in line again
and he pulled a black for playing with his pants during reading time.
the black got him sent to detention in the office. not to the principal where they could have a discussion about the actions that got them there in the first place.
the teacher does nothing but tell the child they are going to pull a card. granted, the child does know why they are pulling the card after the fact.
the child is not building upon any lessons given to them from the teacher.

my son is listening and does not need to see the teacher to learning.
teachers want children rapt with excited anticipation at the next word that will come out of their minds.
how do you teach a blind student who can’t see you?
how do you teach a Deaf student who can’t hear you?

you don’t send them to the office if they are getting the lesson and not causing a distraction.

…The School That Shall Not Be Named is a non-profit organization that opens and operates small, high-performing public charter schools that are preparing the most under served students for college. We provide our educators with the tools and support they need to provide a high quality, personalized education for every The School That Shall Not Be Named student. Our small schools and small classes give you the chance to know every student and his/her family at a personal level. Our network of schools across the state provide you with incredible opportunities to grow personally and professionally in various roles across the organization. We hope you join us in this important work for the children of California!

i am so glad i knew when to run. for my child’s sake and for mine.



*sings like MJ* she’s outta my life……

I have had to come up with a truly defined reason as to why i am going to have to let DD go.

my son.

he is a very caring giving child. hell, he is 9 and he still carries around his teddy bear in the house and to sleepovers. the issue that we have in my home is that DD is so very reactive that she has become a very shiny object for my son to hunt down and bat around every time she comes around.

it has caused so much grief and upheaval in the home. it is fine time that he learn to be quiet. but because of all of her absolutely insane behavior, he has taken a stance that she either doesn’t matter to anyone so he can just take after her or that she obviously wants the attention so why not?

i am convinced that her incorrigible behavior is contagious. she has taken my little chocolate mild-mannered Clark Kent and turned him into the freakin’ Goblin.

he zooms in and out of her world tormenting her like seagulls at the end of a potato chip festival. you get my drift?
swooping and diving and not too careful about who they crash into. just so they can get the loot.

i know that we might have been the Alamo for DD.

i pray to God that i am wrong


what would happen if we had to pay for EVERYTHING

We would not be able to flush our own shit people!

Credit is what built this nation and many would like to see us never have to worry about things being charge out, over or off for the greater good.

I have been very ill as of late and if I had to pay full price for all of the doctor’s visits, cat scans, x-rays, prescriptions, blood tests and the like, I would have filed for bankruptcy about 2 weeks into it.

There is no way that we, as an American people would be able to help one another enough with the way we think if we had no welfare, no VA, no medical, no Medicare. everything would work on donations from the rich (yeah the people who don’t want to share now) or from those who have not filed for protection from creditors if they had to pocket the cost of the roads they drive on, the water they drink, the sewer that takes away all of their household waste.

How would we survive?

I know there is no easy fix to the health care crisis but to take big business out of it.
If companies were in this to help people, there would be no problem with health care. when you stretch out your procedures and wait painfully long times to do trials and then an even longer time to announce results and findings just to make sure your pockets stay lined so your kids can spend 4 years at Princeton smoking pot, drinking booze, and waiting for a seat to be cleared for their job that mommy or daddy bought them, it is next to impossible to keep the bottom lines of big business out of our bodies.

The only people suffering right now are the lower, middle and upper middle class people of the United States. I don’t have the numbers in my head right now, but that is a majority of America people!

The best way to work on preservation is to work on what you have in your little world.
1. Plant a garden with food that you can manage
2. Can and preserve what you can
3. Get to know your neighbors… WELL
4. Work on a coop where you share what you cannot eat, can or preserve with your neighbors. If you all are growing different types of foods, just imagine how far that can go.
5. Co-op childcare so that you will not have to pay every single last time you make in child care costs
6. Use the public schools for their purpose
7. be active in your cities and towns. Join the school council, run for mayor, become a councilperson.
8. Don’t be afraid to speak your own thoughts but DO NOT SHOUT THEM! Lately, so many people are yelling that the children are beginning to get scared and the dogs are running to the corners to hide.
9. Have faith that things can and will change. Don’t give up because of a hard time trying implementing a plan.
10. SHARE YOUR KNOWLEDGE! Do not hoard what you know. Do not be ashamed or embarrassed having information that might sound silly at first but if put with other great minds can cause great change.

This is a living list

If we all live it and bring it to life, there should be no problem with changing the world we see it and work from ‘needs’ portion of the list instead of the ‘wants’.

We all have choices to make.
We all have change to effect.
We all have a right to a peaceful.
We all have a right to stay healthy.

We all have a right to work alone or together but rule number 10 says it might be a good idea to occasionally pop out of your burrow to share the information with others.



If you are truly a ‘baby daddy’ in all matter of that term, DO NOT read this entry. You might read some shit about yourself that you might not want to hear*

Granted, the mere title “Ramblings of a Single Parent Goddess” might be a reason why I have no male followers, the note above might be for naught but it is what it is.

I will be the first to admit that I fucked up royal by having a child with you. On the other hand, I will never be the one who is first accused of being immature and childish. I love my son with everything that I have and I realize that being a single parent with minimal help and relief time is not the most exciting thing to do and if I could have it another way, I would.
That being said, if I had to do this ALL over again and not have my son, I would choose to stay right where I am… Mad as Fuck!

This is why I need to get this out of my system today and now and forever. For my sanity’s sake:

Today, I must say that I hate you with all that I have.
As a mother, I have come to the decision that my son comes first. Before everything, I must think of his safety.

Downside is that I married your stupid ass and just getting off the phone with you is something that has me clawing at the walls whenever I must speak with you.

There comes a time in a person’s life when they have to own up to their mistakes and move forward with a new way of thinking.

I am more than aware that you did not willingly choose to have children and I am more than aware that you feel you are forced to do your job as a parent. I also understand that you feel that your life is over (if it ever actually began) when God gave you this beautiful child and you chose to spit in His face by calling the child’s mother out and stomping your feet and begging her to have an abortion when she could have and to give him up for adoption after it was no longer an option.
You never saw that this girl you called yourself “dating” was maturing before your eyes and was looking at you like a madman and having difficulty looking at herself in the mirror trying not to see the victim that she had become. By the time your son was conceived (albeit not on purpose, not in an “I’m going to trap him with a kid” kind of thinking) I, the woman you had controlled all those years, was done with being controlled. The mere thought of raising a child in the life she was living was not going to work and I planned for a year, and left you when the boy was only 17 months old. I was not going to stick it out with your crazy ass and have my son grow up watching without an ounce of respect for others.

I was unaware that at the age of 19, I would meet a man who at 37, should have known that there was something almost criminal in dating someone my age. You, if your mother had raised you right, should have been able to recognize that the woman you had added on as a ‘friend'(at least that is what you told your girlfriend I was) was young enough to be your fucking daughter.

Shame on you for searching out women and girls with not the best self esteem so you could be the man of the house and run their worlds.

Some how at that time I thought you were good for me (because I wasn’t thinking) and I sure as hell know better now.

When I get on the phone, I want to scream and yell at you because I know you are still stalking girls now old enough to be MY daughters and that makes me sick.

So when I ask for a slight modification in the schedule, reply via email because you will have a monster on the end of the line until I decide in my head that I choose not to hate you anymore.

Please don’t look for a miracle to happen any time soon. I took 13 years of your shit and I make no estimation as to when I will stop hating you. It is my turn to dish out what you gave me and if you are thinking clearly, which you more than likely are not, you wouldn’t want to call me for shit.

I will make every effort to be civil, but know that the sound of your voice is more than I can tolerate at this point in my life and I would be more than satisfied if I NEVER had to hear your squeaky upstate NY accent ever again.

Thank you for calling me as I was writing this, so I could tell it to you personally.


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life is like a box of chocolates…

you always know that most of them are going to taste like shite and are going to end up back in the package with a bite out of them.

i am tired of apologizing for how i am.
yes i am funny
yes i am a caring person
yes i have my problems
yes i will listen to your

unfortunately I DON’T HAVE A FECKING FILTER!!!

the reason i stopped making apologies to people about my personality is that i cannot change it without wanting to slit my wrist to the fucking elbow.


i am done with sorry. there are some people who understand me and they will be lifelong friends because they stopped trying to figure me out a long time ago. thank the lord for patient people who understand that human nature is not to be understood always and sometimes forgiven.

i think that family is the least forgiving and for that, i will say a prayer because i can only take so much.

woooooo saaaaaaah


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Lose it like you’re getting paid to do it!

I lose it sometimes, and I am proud.
That is not to say that I lose it for the sake of satisfaction of watching little children cower at my feet cringing at the very vibration of my soprano holler…

I have come to realize that in order to make any attempt at raising well balanced, well rounded, self starting children who will be the adults helping you in and out of bed and on and off the bedpans in your old age, you gotta let them see your human side.
It is okay to lose your cool but you have to set the framework up for how you lose it and make sure your children are comfortable with the process.

I used to yell a great deal. Then, one day, I saw my precious child draw back at my noise level. At that point, I decided that I would stop yelling but I would not give up my release of getting angry and losing it from time to time. I think it is perfectly okay for children to see their parents half cocked and looking a bit crazy. Adds to the flavor of the food at dinnertime.

I had a friend in grade school who had parents that would crack me up when they got angry.Her mom would chew her tongue while scolding her.

Try it. I know you want to… 🙂

Her stepfather would point at her with his middle finger when he was scolding. It was extra hilarious to watch them both scolding her at the same time.

ah… childhood…

I am thankful to be growing up alongside a young man who sometimes loses it himself. When he has his moments, we can talk about it and how he feels because he knows that I understand because I have been there and he has been witness; willing and unwilling.

So my advice is to never be afraid to lose your cool in front of your children from time to time…

They will respect you for it.
And you will gain respect in a relationship that at times can make you want to flip your lid.


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going back to school

Oh the horror of considering going back to school and being disappointed by what you think are your failures.
I have not failed. I have triumphed. I have managed to leave a destructive relationship, found a love of myself that I still battle with, but am growing more comfortable with day by day. I am proud of myself for taking a risk and coming here today. I sit in a room filled with many people who are noticeably younger than me but I cannot let that bother me. I will press through and continue to make strides toward the future that I want for my son and I.
I feel like I have wasted my time in junior college because I have what feels like nothing to show for my hard work. I had to take a break and call my Auntie Terrie for a kick in the ass. Necessary? Hell yeah. I am sick of my job at ATT. It is time to go. It is time to not be at a place in my life where I want to run but have nowhere to go. I want a place to run, so I will be able to take refuge in a place of solace.
So I have had my good cry… I have taken my time to fall apart. I have been through a fire drill and I am set.

This is MY choice. This is MY life. This is MY change. This is MY future.

Stay tuned…


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Fuckwad…Fuckiedoodle…Homewrecking Ikea!

Cleaning this house is going to take a combination of Freecycle, a yard sale from Hades and some Zanax to get done! There is no way I am going to get this house cleaned with all that is in it. I am going to have to start tossing things.
Then I think to myself. What am I going to do with all my books? My lost socks? My clothes that don’t fit? my Time? My energy?
I am so sure that there will come a time in the future (whenever that may be) when I need those books for PowerPoint 2000, that they are still in my closet collecting dust.

*do you hear screeching car wheels?*

Well I sure as hell do and it is fine time this house gets a real tearing down.

That little lady on Poltergeist was wrong too so I make note to myself not to call on her. I don’t think she would be worth my money.

I came home today and stared and stared at my house.

Laundry in the living room. My work desk items packed from preparing for a strike blocking the patio door. My TV room is just a mess with nothing. It is neither messy, organized or orderly. I don’t have a word for that room.

My son’s room is full of his mess and I have committed myself to turning that over to his great-uncle for maintenance.

The spare bedroom just begs for attention, but I can’t get that far.

My bedroom is where I need to start. But do I want to strip it down to the bare walls and start over or just rearrange it.
Let me start by saying that I have rearranged this room at least 6 times in the past 4 years. Rearrangement is not working. The furniture is cool, but I have just too much stuff in there. I have not enough closet space and the clothes I try to squeeze in there I can’t squeeze into myself, so why do I continue to keep them around?


I have a 3 day weekend and I am going to dig in. Just one room.
My bedroom.

Anyone up for a yard sale?



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Non-Custodial Parent relief my arse!

Once again, I am faced with another Sunday on a 1st and 3rd weekend.
My son leaves for his fathers in the late afternoon of saturday and I pick him up on the early evening of Sunday.

some folks would say that I should be happy to have the time off but what most people don’t realize is that the time my son is at his fathers house , I have barely enough time to think let alone, try to get all of the things that I have neglected over the past 2 weeks and get the rest that I so badly need to catch up on.

I slept in this morning until 10am. I then went to cut the front lawn. It is now noon and I am sitting here at my computer, looking at a living room with all the shit on the floor swept into a pile by the patio door, three loads of laundy to do and 1 load of towels.

As I turn my head to the left and look behind me, I see a kitchen that is just begging for attention. I have two bathrooms that I just shut the door on most days because they are at the bottom of a monumental list.

No time for myself pisses me off. I am stretched beyond what should be allowed for single parents.

This is not how single parenting should be. That is why it is better to raise a child together and equally, even if you are not together anymore.

I watched a little TV last night read a little of a new book I would love to finish sometime in the next century and hit the sack.

Now I have weeds to pull on my patio and the laundry and the kitchen and the tv room. did I forget to mention the tv room. Jeezus Mary Mother of God.
That is another nightmare.

I want to say f*ck it and head on out to the movies but I know this stuff needs to get done.
Bad thing is that I only have 4.5 hours left in my day to get anything done because I have to leave my house to head downtown to pick up my son by 5pm.

I have a frriend , a lovely friend, Kathy who caught me and called me on my sh*t by recognizing that I never ask for help, so now I have to allow her to help me because I am at a level of overwhelm where I want to say “fuck it” all the time. She is right.

I will ask for help.
I can ask for help.
There are so many things that i just give up on.

Oh yeah… I CAN do Algebra *thanks Terrie*

correcction… 4.25 hours now.


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Speed Dating for Single Book Lovers Pt. Deux

The time has come to reveal how I feel about the actual night of speed dating.
I was more than surprised to see the turnout. I am glad most people were classy and did not dress like they were going to the gym or going to the swingers bar.

I was very very worried that I was going to encounter black men who thought that “Hop on Pop” was a choice item of literature to present with on their name tag for the dating games.

Mind you, this was a room filled with primarily black men from all walks of life but what I did not see was all the bling and the grillz. none none none

They loved all kinds of books from war manuals that have been adapted to workplace manuals, science fiction, poetry and history.
They knew their stuff and I was rightly impressed.

I got my email just the other day advising me of my choices.
Now see, you can’t get a match unless they put your number down on the card as well.
I put down about 7 matches and came back with a final tally of 4 guys.

I went to look at the names and believe it or not, a couple of them I figured out their names because I had my ears wide open the whole time I was threre.

No, I was not sitting there looking pretty. I was listening like a beagle for a gopher in a field of grass.

yaya for me.
I am proud of my self (as has been said by my Auntie Terrie) for getting off my duff and dragging myself out to the place. I was pleasantly surprised because I took a chance and was rewarded by meeting a group of interesting men who took the time to be knowledgeable of what they were being asked to discuss.

all but married man…

let me tell you about married man.
shame on his boogie man behind for bringing his separated behind up in the place. he even had the gall to wear his ring!!! I am almost sure no one picked him after he decided that he could grab some food. he was my last date and the whole time I sat and talked to him, he was sitting there EATING! Negro, put down your food, take a swig of water, pop a breath mint and talk to me.

I swear, i I had to hear any more of his grunting between mouthfuls of food and mayo running down his arm, I would have run from the building screaming like I was getting paid for it.

*note to self* be thankful that speeding dating is just that; SPEED DATING… 3 minutes was almost more than I can take.

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