I’VE BEEN OUTED!!!!!!!

I know i have mentioned that my ex-husband used to write and record music right? well…..
he came to pick up Milo and told me that he posted a song/video to youtube. I am kinda laughing and kinda appalled, but the song is still flippin’ catchy.

i feel like i have been outed as a Communist of something. what is also interesting is that i don’t care.

note to all:
i sang back up!
note to my LGBQT friends:
he doesn’t hate gay people

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Speed Dating for Single Book Lovers Pt. One

Tonight is the night. I am headed out to Speed Dating for Single Book Lovers.
Yay Me!

The idea is wonderful. The drive is short…

Getting ready is a nightmare!

I figured, “pick up a cute outfit, put on a little makeup and head out the door.”

HA!!

What that really means is
Take a shower and get dressed???
Don Pardo, tell her what else she has to do.

I not only had to wash my face and body, I had to shave my legs. I then discovered that I had armpits I had to take care of as well (thank the lord I don’t have a problem with stray chest hairs.

*Next life, I wish to be Amazonian Princess Nijeela who doesn’t give a flying fig newton about shaving her legs because any man who doth protest shall be slayed. 🙂

So to got through the shower and all of the hair and had to get into this incredible invention call Spanx. Jim crackin’ dandy. No problem I think, and then I realize why I have to put it on…. to hold everything together. The hard part is that I have to get all of that everything into the sock.

To give you an idea of this little thing I have to tuck my thighs behind stomach and ribcage into, it will fit in the palm of my hand. hahahahahaha *stops the mad cackle*
i get it past my thighs and i come to the behind and I have to sit down. Not because this is where i have to do more adjusting. I am exhausted after the thigh event.

I dance like I need rain for another 10 minutes and then over the behind it went. that is my Biggest issue (not using the word biggest lightly) and off to put on my slip of a dress. I have to say Spanx rocks!

Into the bathroom for the makeup and I get the shadow and the eyeliner and the lip liner and all that stuff tat comes with it all and ignore the errant chin hair and just leave it for conversation if any of my fellow speed daters notices it.

Another 10 minutes to find a pair of shoes and a purse that match the dress and I am out the door. Good thing hair is not an issue this week.

stay tuned for Part Deux.


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