Dances With Fat

There are some things about weight and health in our culture that confuse me:

Why is it accepted that some people who eat a ton of food can stay thin, but not accepted that some people who eat a small amount of food can be fat?

Since thin people get diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure, why is becoming thin suggested as a cure?

Why bother using BMI as a substitute for metabolic health measures when we can easily test metabolic health measures?

Doctors treat thin people for joint pain with options other than weight loss, why don’t they give fat people those same treatments?

Why do we believe that doing unhealthy things (liquid diet, smoking, urine injections coupled with starvation, stomach amputation) will lead to a healthy body?

If the diet industry’s product actually “cured fatness”, wouldn’t their profits be going down instead of up as more and…

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take your pick asshole, asphyxiation or the mouth of an active volcano?

I have been trying so hard to maintain a certain level of calm with regard to some of the things my son’s father does and i guess i have reached the end of my proverbial rope.

let me nail down some facts….

1. been divorced almost 9 years

2. been raising genius XY most on my own for those 9 years

3. genius XY was a vegetarian from birth

4. all that changed when i added fish

5. changed some more when i added chicken to our diet

somewhere between 5. and now, dad decided that it would be practical to sway genius XY from eating chicken. his plan:

1. constant discussion about how i am not following his plan of raising genius XY; i.e., raising him catholic and not TM style, raising him as a black child and not a white one (stew on this one for a while), not keeping him away from his ‘dangerous’ family members (in quotes for a reason), and not keeping him a vegetarian.

2. making genius XY feel guilty for eating meat

3. having genius XY watch a film “Meet Your Meat” from PETA on the care of farm raised chickens, aka chickens slaughtered for human consumption.

now back to my list…

6. chicken is cheap

7. chicken is easier to prepare 1,000,000 different ways

8. chicken is tasty

i have been cool, calm, and collected long enough but i guess i just have to vent here because i can’t change who my son’s father is. i can just change how i react to him. as a result, Goddess has decided to let it all out in my blog, then keep it movin’.

genius XY watching ‘Meet Your Meat’ has caused absolute CHAOS at my fucking dinner table. not an evening has gone by when i haven’t had to sit down to eat a meal of chicken to watch my child pick and nibble at his meal short of tears because he has so much trouble eating The Chickens. he is all fucked up over parts of the chicken and parts of what he sees of the film while he is eating. did his father not recognize that this would happen?

absol-fuckin-lutely not!he meant best but he doesn’t feed him meat at his home so he doesn’t have to deal with this.

perhaps he thought that milo would just make a decision to stop eating meat like Lisa Simpson did and all would be good in the hood. downside to this is that genius XY is not a able to give up chicken because his mother buys chicken that was alright until “Meet Your Meat”.

tonight i’d had it and i explained to him why i am always so cranky at dinner time. it is because his father has committed a terrorist act on the sanctity of my home and dropped a table side incendiary device onto my dining room and kitchen.

i feel like i am punishing him everytime i feed him chicken and i can’t afford to go out and buy the tender veggie nuggets or make him tofu because he will then be VERY hungry before bedtime because he is a growing boy!!!!!!

i want to choke the shit out of this man on a good day and drop him into the mouth of an active volcano on days like this.


Goddess (yes, the very angry one )



I know i have mentioned that my ex-husband used to write and record music right? well…..
he came to pick up Milo and told me that he posted a song/video to youtube. I am kinda laughing and kinda appalled, but the song is still flippin’ catchy.

i feel like i have been outed as a Communist of something. what is also interesting is that i don’t care.

note to all:
i sang back up!
note to my LGBQT friends:
he doesn’t hate gay people

“But you LOOK fine!” STFU!!!!

*recently inspired by



i have been saying for years but have recently, stopped saying because it isn’t worth it to me anymore.

seriously, it is the outward opinion of others that i “look just fine” that drives me to the edge. i look fine. i look so happy. i look like i am truly enjoying life.
if only they knew what it took for me to get out of bed that morning. if they only knew the pain i smile through and the constant movement i create in my body to block the actual pain. if they only knew that sleeping for 12 hours ain’t shit!
if only they knew that i can’t play “slug bug” like everyone else… (god bless my little Milo. i taught him how to play it and keep mom out of pain)

not a day goes by in which i don’t remember or am not reminded that everything SHOULD be fine.

i look fine.

i’m not

i’m tired

i’m in pain but…

i’m strong

i’m hanging in there

i’m on my own timetable

i’m me
i’m living with fibromyalgia and it’s as okay as it’s gonna get for now.

i feel some of what she feels and i don’t feel so alone anymore…..




This one will bring tears to your eyes! i see music as the saving grace for our nations of the world.
just … imagine…music…teaching…cooperation

Bobby McFerrin walks into a UN meeting and leads them in this demonstration of togetherness and cooperation. no need for interpreters, armed guards, lobbyists, nuclear weapons…..

just hearts and sound. music from within.

why is this so hard to imagine?

now listen to it again from the beginning with your eyes closed and see this happen. if we all do this…

it will


no more crack smoking during parenting hours


was i wrong to decide to have an only child?

Milo: mom?
Goddess: huh?
Milo: i got a question for you.
Goddess: (mutters under her breath) i guess i can’t say no. yeah, go ahead.
Milo: if you had the choice, would you be a vampire or a werewolf?
Goddess: i guess i would pick the werewolf
Milo: (walks away dejected. only had a philosophical rant to share if i had answered to the former)
Milo: (pokes head back in doorway) that’s okay, because you don’t have to die. vampires have to be dead for like a whole day.
Goddess: (smiles)
god i wish this kid had siblings.

Watch This…. Then Read…. Then Act!!!!

If you watch nothing else in your life with a mission for change, watch this 20 minute clip with a direction of where our wisdom may work for us.

in my personal experience, this is how i feel. this “game” that i am forced to play in order to do what is right some days knocks the wind out of my sails.
i operate on the idea that we need a huge change in not how we live, love, and work, but in WHY we do it.
last night during our family meeting, we touched on grandma Melernea’s gold kaiser card. Barry Schwartz talks about the janitors who have the wisdom to do their jobs well with the intent of offering caring service to others. when i think of my grandmother and the fact that she did housekeeping for as many years as she had when others ask if she is a doctor, the answer should be “no” with a reply of “better”.
like the janitor who cleaned the floor in the room of the comatose man TWICE because the father who had been sitting vigil for 3 months didn’t see it done and was upset; like the housekeeper who did not vacuum because another family who had spent a great deal of time in a waiting room were asleep; and for the janitor who stopped mopping the floor so that a patient who was trying to regain strength could walk the halls.

we have to remember that so much of what makes this world a fantastic place comes from those who society looks at as the bottom of the pickings pile. we should never give up hope that doctors, lawyers, politicians, and yes even businessmen on Wall Street can reach for greatness by being more like janitors and housekeepers and persons who work with the public and do their jobs well and with wisdom simply… because… it … is … right


Ceeloooooo… Why????

my initial reaction on NYE…

ceelo green messed up some lyrics. the world may actually end tomorrow. maybe he did an Xtina moment and flubbed the lyrics. anthems sometimes draw so much charged energy that you can’t help but flub the lyrics.

this is a guy who, at some point in his recent resurgence as a pop icon, stood on a stage dressed as a star wars cast member singing about how we think his ass is crazy! all i could believe was that he made a mistake.

i was sitting at my SIL’s that night when he came on and what she said stuck with me…

“I hope he practiced”


ceelo changed a word in the Lennon song “Imagine” and i can only believe that Yoko rolled over in her sarcophagus on new year’s eve. folks are mad because what was deduced versus what he actually meant to say didn’t mesh. He meant no harm.

ahem, and i quote,

“Yo I meant no disrespect by changing the lyric guys!”

i was married to a devout Lennon worshiper (and i am not saying that lightly), and i couldn’t even think of a joke about the man without the fear of having to scrape my soul off the floor after the tongue lashing i would have received.

i still believe that sometimes you have to change the culture to change the Culture (emphasis added. dissertation to be submitted later).

the huge idea of religion being a little something for everyone is what might lead one to believe that we need no organized religion at all. i would like to believe that is what mr. lennon meant. if we all had a perfect religion, we would have billions of little churches set up. *

cee-lo decided that a slight grammatical change might change the Culture. gotta start small man. next time, baby steps although i know what you meant. rodney kind got a load of crap and people still tease about his simple statement too…

“can’t we all just get along?”

Can the Lennon’s legions be accepting?

probably not in this lifetime, but i think my man Cee-Lo is gonna be just fine.


*this is all my own opinion, so it may be true or not. similar to how religion might work better for all as truth on an individual level.