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advice on divorce


i will start by saying that women have a tendency to
think they can still remain the best of friends when
there is a break up.
i mean it would be easier… right?

that is nowhere near the case. IMHO riiiiight…

it does happen, but i must say it is very rare.
when i got divorced, i did not become “My ex wife, my best
friend”. i became “my ex wife, that backstabbing
conniving bitch who ruined my life” :).

i am not saying that all men are bad, but taking the
initial steps toward divorce is probably going to
bring out the worst in any man.
Plus, taking into account the fact that a majority of man are hard wired to have shorter fuses….
i shall say no more.

i also have found that you will have many personality
shifts exhibited by your ex. he will try to be
the best man he can be. showing you all the things he
could not do within your marriage to try to change
your mind about your very well thought out and adult
decision. don’t fall prey to his surface improvements,
unless you want to put your kids through what will seem like,
to them,
a lifetime of unhappy as grown people in their lives.

on the flip side of that, YOU have to behave yourself
also with regard to the decisions. think of it as a business event. you are just
handling business. it helps you to distance yourself
from some of the emotions that might back you into a
corner.

i believe the internet is not a reason to divorce. i
know that there are a lot of things done on the
internet that perhaps are not the most appreciated in
your house. but…
men are men. (sorry to those who are perfect in every way and are never even thought about having another woman backed up on the hard drive)

the stuff you read (IM, emails, etc. ) are fantasy.
how he is dealing with his fantasy and real worlds is
the real question.

every last bit of energy must be exhausted BY YOU in
order to make the last step to end your marriage.

with my former husband, i tried counseling. not just with the hospital
but with the church, with friends, with family and even a private therapist yet he
would have nothing of it. i went through mediation at
the courthouse to try and get him to see that things
could be different only if he would make a change.
what i failed to see at that time, was that it was not
my place to try and teach or make him be a better
person. it is all up to him. when i realized that all
i was responsible for was my own shit and my kid,
things changed….

if you cannot deal with his level of pollution in your
space and in your life, move on.

there are things you are going to have to deal with
because you are changing the dynamic of the children
in your home. things may improve. things may get
worse, but any way you look at it, things will be
changing.

with the former husband, i spent about 3 years getting mentally
prepared and financially sound to leave my marriage.
i find that keeping your wits about you and crying when you need
to will release anger and allow you to continue on the forward path.

even leaving a really bad marriage, you will find that
you have to a loss is a loss.
you still have to allow time to mourn that loss.
you will do just fine.

be strong men and women,
make sure you are certain… very certain. before you
move on.

and then grab that bull by the horns and git ‘er done!

love,

goddess

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About ramblingsingleparentgoddess

a single parent comments on life and the pursuit of sleep. politics and current issues fall into play on the daily. read up

One response to “advice on divorce

  1. bobbi ⋅

    AND…for those of us who didn’t get the 3 years to prepare…it was just thrown at us…

    GRAB THAT BULL BY HORNS AND RIDE IT BABY….cause in the end…it all works out…and in my case…for the best.

    that bitch he cheated with…did me the biggest favor in my life!!! 🙂 and now she’s feelin my pain!!! hehe that green grass got awfully brown awfully quick!!! LMFAO

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