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Virginia Tech


In no way am i condoning what happened at Virginia Tech….

But i thought i might share a little with you on a person who can empathize with Seung-Hui Cho.

He did what he did to get back at all the people who ever treated him bad. by the time he snapped, he didn’t give a shit who it was. he needed to sacrifice someone, anyone.

how can i empathize with a killer, you ask?

very easily. my life started off just like his.

the quiet shy individual
easy to cry
easy to pick on
easy to give in
easy to give up
easy to lock down

certain factors happen in one’s life that can put you in position for a final knock-down drag-out fight with mankind.

i still experience the shit that he went through on a daily basis.
let me tell you about my Friday at work:

i work in an office full of men and women.
ok? you say.
these men and women have found over the years that they share like causes feelings and interests.
cliques are formed.
some of these cliques are the same cliques that gave me cold bloody fucking hell in elementary, junior high, high school and in my neighborhood.
in my childhood and adolescence.
they were fuckers back then and they’re fuckers today.

i too, have not changed in the way i am still affected by the way they treat me.
what has changed is how i choose to deal with them.

i have recently relocated to another floor with my work group. generally people chose to sit with the same cliques they had downstairs.
fine
let them all sit together. the sad part is that you sometimes have to walk through the hen house to get to the eggs.
during our transition to the 3rd floor, i have encountered some issues with my desk. those issues require attention so as not to put my body in jeopardy.

2 times in one day, i was forced to head over to that area to talk to a technician or a manager for assistance. twice i encountered full-on teasing and mistreatment.
twice i had to retreat.
the first time i handled it well. i tried to stand my ground.
the second time, i was not even allowed to finish my sentence before i was lambasted by “the crew”
i promptly turned away saying that i didn’t like that type of treatment and headed back to my desk to do my work.

i sat at my desk for a few minutes thinking of ways that i could calm down and get through my day without crying.

then one of “the crew” came up to me and hugged me.
she hugged me hard.
she hugged me twice.

do you want to know why she did that?

to attempt to save herself
to make sure that i would turn the gun away from her if i happened to come into the office to clear out all the assholes who reminded me so much of the assholes who have made my entire life miserable.
who have made me go to the edge
who have chided me to jump
who have given me reason to doubt myself
who have given me reason to go as far as making a voodoo doll to keep them at bay
who have stifled the person that i should have been allowed to become and experiment with while i was still young.

she hugged me because she didn’t want to die.

i felt that when she hugged me. i saw right through to what she thought she was trying to do.
some of us have a bit more of the psychic energy than others. this shit runs in my family and i hate it. when a person touches me, i get it all. if you ever lie to me, make sure you aren’t shaking my hand or touching my arm and please don’t hug me.

as a child all the way through high school, i used to cry when people would hug me. i didn’t want to feel all the sadness and pain that they were feeling. how do you tell people that you don’t want to be hugged because you will cry? how can you tell a person that they have the potential to pass on their energy to someone lined up to accept it (whether they want to or not)?

you can’t.
you keep yourself at arms length and by doing so, invite “the crew” in for attack.

my life then is not my life now.

i don’t want to shoot people
i don’t want to see people dead
i have to admit that i have in the past
i am not like that today

the reason why?

i got help.

i had enough people around me who heard my cries for help and led me in the right direction. to peace and sanity. medication. cognitive therapy. coping skills. recreational sports. peace of mind was attained by force. not by choice.

Seung-Hui Cho could have used some outside force to help him reconnect with the human race.
it was never delivered
no one took a stand
no one snitched and held their ground

instead, he chose to answer with all he knew.

retaliation,
pain,
hurt,
destruction.

it is our fault as a society that we did not take the time to put our arm around a man who was hurting and ask him what was going on.
it is our fault as a society that we did not take the time to demand that he seek help and then if he decided against it, to hold our ground and ask the powers that be to force the issue.

it is our responsibility as a society to hold one another up…..REGARDLESS!!!!!
it is our responsibility as a society to love one another …..REGARDLESS!!!!!
it is our responsibility as a society to accept one another …..REGARDLESS!!!!!
it is our responsibility as a society to pray that we all turn ourselves about and look behind us. to see the people we are leaving behind.
to reach out our hand and lead them to where we all should be.
living a good life with strong beliefs and peace. …..REGARDLESS!!!!!

that’s the only way it can get done
that’s the only way it can get better.

g

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About ramblingsingleparentgoddess

a single parent comments on life and the pursuit of sleep. politics and current issues fall into play on the daily. read up

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