This was perhaps the best Christmas on record for me.
it was good on two ends for me.
for my son, Christmas gifts were scarce, but every last one of them held something special for Milo. he know there is not Santa Claus, but he know of the spirit of giving and of sharing. virtually every toy that i did get for him, he had longed for. he also knew this was going to be a Christmas where his mom was not going to be getting much. we got up around 10am. he came in to my room to say good morning and hear me tell him merry Christmas. we talked for a bit about how he knew i was going to yell MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! because that is just how i am. then i told him that we should check under the tree to see his gifts. i swear, my son must have thought he was going to get nothing for Christmas. the presents didn’t appear until after Milo was asleep. we walked into the room and he saw the gifts and asked who they were all for… i said they were for him. he just got this huge grin on his face. i said for him to go ahead and start opening them. he asked me to share the opening of the gifts with him. he wanted me to open gifts too so he let me “help” him open his gifts. h OMG i could have just sat and cried right there if it was not for the look of joy when he opened the presents that he longed for and found them in their boxes. i know it was hard for me to watch the gifts being opened at my brother’s house. everyone had so much stuff. it just made me sad to think that i could not do that for my son this year. what i did teach him though was that Christmas was for being together and for spending time with loved ones or remembering those who are so far away or have gone on to heaven. i just feel good about what i made out of a not so good situation.
secondly, for so many years, i have been trying to get my family to head out to my house for dinner or a get-together or anything. many times it has fizzled out. many times. it is just me, myself, and i.
sometimes i doubt myself so much that i commit social suicide by sabotaging the whole thing.
this year was different. there simply was no room at my grandparents house for our big ass, loud ass family.
i made a feast fit for a king (or a least a very hungry man) and served it all up for everyone to have. everyone was happy with something.
garlic mashed potatoes
baked macaroni and cheese
and some other stuff i forgot.
i was just so happy to see many of my family at MY house and enjoying themselves. it was a great time. something i will surely not forget for a long while. i can’t even describe how happy i was to see them all spill through the front door. i got to see almost everyone that i wanted to see. there were some special people missing, but they will be out next time around. probably the two people that i missed the most were my mom and dad.
my mom is very homesick. i called her today to ask her about the macaroni and cheese (i forgot the egg) and she sounded sad. she said she missed everyone. i am going to have to find a way out there more often. i don’t know how i am going to do that. it is frightening that my life has turned out this way, but i am going to have to make it work for me with all the resources that i have. i will get to her. i have decided that. or i will get her to me.
i miss my dad just as much. i know i will never hear his voice spoken in open air again. but he is always with me. he will forever be with many of us. he was a nut, but he was MY nut. MY daddy. i was his baby girl. my auntie feels the same way almost. she was his baby sis. she came in the house and went looking for the pictures i keep in a frame for him. i moved him down the hall and put his biggest frame on top of my tv in the movie room. man, i miss him. my life has changed so much since he has been gone. i wish there were a way to be able to sit down, have a beer, and just shoot the breeze with him. just to be able to bullshit with him one more time. i know that won’t be for a long time coming, and i can wait, but i wish i could get that wish sooner.
anywhoo. it was a rockin’ christmas.
it was fantabulous!